Hey, remember that Mac gaming article I mentioned? It's finally here! Found in Retro Gamer #90

Here it is:

http://imageshack.us/g/836/mac1g.jpg/





I wish they didn't cut my joke about cocaine parties, though. BUT WHATEVER.



I had to write this hurriedly in one evening for reasons I won't go into (my editor's fault, not mine) but I think it turned out well apart from the errors. I can't believe I missed them... very frustrating.




Wow, what a gushing review!

A friend died yesterday. To be honest, I didn't know her that well, but I always loved being around her and I can see how much her death has affected my friends who were closer to her. She was clearly quite a beautiful person and I really wanted to know her more. Guess I should have tried harder when I had the chance. Rest in peace, Bethany.

hulkhandsome.com

Moving all my "good" stuff over there now.

This place will be used for... I don't know, when I feel like posting something that needs more space than a tweet.

starring auntie pixelante

hello i am tired here qre my thoughts on two recent russian games

metro 2033 is the bee's knees, it's a mix of stalker, fear, thief and half-life 2. i like that being sneaky is super hard because even just stepping on glass can give you away, i was keeping my eye on a monster as i sneaked around it and then i heard CRACK and i was all like ooohhh shhiiiii-and i died a heroes death. it seems to be a love or hate game, so i love it (i love most love or hate ones, except the crap ones). i can certainly see why some people would hate it, it has its flaws, (hello stupid getting swamped with monsters biting at your ankles bits) but i think the good far outweigh the bad. very atmospheric and stuff. i think if they pushed it a bit harder, it could have been a really GREAT game instead of really quite good, but that is still top praise coming from me. also the story makes no sense if you havent read the book which is a bit daft.

i have also been playing stalker call of pripyat or whatever the heck that city is called. well after two games they finally got the engine working properally, i've seen vveeerrryyy few bugs, it runs a hell a lot better and in general is just a lot more polished. i wish they'd go and stick the original stalker in this version of the engine. anyway i havent been playing it for long but its too gamey so far, the world feels so manufactured for the player. the world also doesn't feel threatening or anything like it did in the original game because there just isnt much out there to kill you except fro ma bunch of pussy monters and zombies and a whole lot of empty filed in between. now they swamped you with bandits way too much in the first game, but at least they were interesting to fight. they also try too hard to make the world mysterious, with these giant anomolies everywhere but they just feel fake. i'm still having a good time and it's a shit tonne better than fallout 3, but it feels a bit over-enginerred or what have you at least in terms of environment design, everything else is the same as the first game except it seems more balanced with equipment and money which is good. i might share more thoughts on it when i've played it a bit more

anywya i want to go to russia

now im going to bed because i am tired good night

Just a heads up, I contributed two (2) articles to a friend's website. You can find them HERE:

http://retrospekt.com.au/post/328458329/in-retrospekt-adelaide-arcade-guide

And HERE:

http://retrospekt.com.au/post/499800835/retrospekt-review-heberekes-popoitto-snes

It was nice writing for an unprofessional site, let's me get away with a much more casual writing style that I enjoy. I can only get away with that with certain types of articles in PCPP.

Well, I know there are, but I've been going through my old games and holy cow the vast majority sure have aged badly or just aren't fun anymore. In fact, I don't know how I enjoyed them in the first place. How many PSX games can you think of that have actually stood the test of time? Out of the ones I own, I VOTE FOR:

Jumping Flash series
MDK
Bushido Blade
Ghost in the Shell

THAT'S IT. I guess I don't own many games, but still. So many aren't fun at ALL anymore. Guess I'll trade them for cash on da BAY.

Hello! I decided to have my OWN kotmk party.

This game, or "meditation tool" as I prefer to call it, was inspired by a conversation I had with Dess about games focused on guided meditation. I said I should make a game about it for the next KotmK then realised it would be more interesting to make a game about forced mediation. I decided to go ahead and make it RIGHT THERE AND THEN so here it is.

Get it at Glorious Trainwrecks!



Direct download here.

Enjoy!

So, REDDER has been out for a while now, and has proven to be a huge hit! What else has proven to be a huge hit, are my sound effects! Here is just a MINUSCULE example of the feedback my work has received:

"also, i really like cycle's laser noises." - Stephen Ascher

"I absolutely LOVE the sound effects on the little guns." - zindelo

"The best part, however, was undoubtedly the sound effect used for the laser bullets." - Prettiest Boy On The Planet (No, no, that wasn't me talking about my own work, oh ho!)

HOWEVER, I actually recorded many more sounds for the game! The first lot was general sound effects, most of which ended up being too "cartoony" for this particular game. My second lot were walking sound effects, however they clashed too much with the rest of the audio and would have probably got annoying. The last lot are a selection of death screams recorded as a joke, since in space, no one can hear you scream.

In a rare behind the scenes look, I have compiled all the cut sound effects in the below video. Enjoy!


If you would like to hire me to provide sounds for an upcoming project, feel free to contact me!

A videogame did not introduce me to the works of Edgar Allan Poe. The Simpsons can take credit for that; I'm sure most of you know the episodes to which I refer. But a videogame is responsible for me actually becoming interested in his work.

The game was called The Dark Eye, a product released during the height of the multimedia craze in 1995, and which I downloaded off The Underdogs way back in the day. In it, the player visits some relatives and... well, saying anything more will spoil the story really, but obviously it's all a rather sordid affair. If I remember correctly, it involves incest and possibly paedophilia (or kiddie fiddling as we call it in Australia). This original story ties together three of Poe's works together, in an... ALMOST clever way. Good enough, though!


What most grabbed me was the presentation. The music is moody, the voice work is excellent (William S. Burroughs provided his talents. He's the fellow who wrote Naked Lunch. I can name at least two things wrong with that title), but what most grabbed me was the visuals, namely the creepy clay models used for the characters. I mean come on, look at that sad sack up there.  What impressed me the most was in how you experienced Poe's work... first as the killer, then as the victim. If you've ever wanted to see what it would feel like to be buried alive, step on up, dear friend!


It actually wasn't much of a game really. Mostly you just interacted with things, trying to figure out how to trigger the next sequence in the story, but the presentation is all so darn dark and gloomy that I can forgive it for that.

When I finished it, I wanted to read some of Poe's work. I mentioned this to my Dad and it turned out he had a large collection of his stuff sitting on the bookshelf. So there you go!


Yeah, to grab my attention as an adolescent, you had to be pretty DARK AND GOTHY. Actually, you can still grab my attention that way, but I've lightened waaayyyy the fuck up since then and prefer things that make me smile.

Like boobs.

And small furry animals.

If you combine the two (in a non-sexual way) you can get a HUGE smile out of me. Feel free to attempt this in the comments.

I've been playing a few games lately, but here's one I want to bitch about; Fallout 3. When I play it, all it does is make me want to play a more interesting game, like STALKER or the original Fallout. It's just so damn boring. Every single quest (well, all the ones I've encountered) is dull and cliché, both in design and writing, General gameplay just isn't interesting at all, especially combat which seems to boil down to sneaking close enough to people to shoot them all point blank in the head followed by injecting yourself with stimpacks.

It doesn't have anything the original game had. No mystery, no wit, no clever writing or design, no CHARM. Remember finding that giant hole in the ground in Fallout 1? That shit was mysterious and spooky! Or how about finding the Ghoul city and deciding whether to steal their waterchip or not because you were running out of time? Now that was an actual difficult choice. Remember convincing the final "boss" to kill himself? Now that was fucking awesome. Fallout 3 has nothing like this.

Really, it's the little things in Fallout 3 that shit me off the most. Like when you save that kid from fireants and he's all like "Oh boy, I'll just head on over to Rivet City to live with my aunt" and that's the end of the quest. Hello? How the hell is that kid going to get to rivet city? It's miles away from Grayditch (or whatever that town was called) involves going through raider and ghoul infested subways, not to mention a super mutant infested war zone. That kid is FUCKED. But no, when you go back to Rivet City he's all like YEAH NO PROBLEMS, THINGS SURE A SWELL NOW.

I mean, come on.

It's not that it's a bad game, I mean it's certainly more than playable. It just lacks... anything to keep me interested, pretty much. Except for a huge world, which I keep exploring, hoping I'll eventually find something actually interesting. Hasn't happened yet.

Remember that footage I posted of a leaked beta?


Yeah, that. Well, the game is finally out! It's called REDDER, it's by AUNTIE PIXELANTE and it's not set underwater.

I provided sound effects! I was also one of the testers (as the above video obviously reveals), and provided a few ideas and such which made it into the final game, which should assure you that the game is awesome since I was involved in development. You can play it HERE:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/529992

Clicking my name in the credits may or may not reveal an Easter egg.

Stuff! Here's the videogame related STUFF.

First, I went to another ULTRACADE. This time it was all about classic arcade games. There were high score contests for Donkey Kong and Pac-Man which pissed me off since they're terrible high score games, so I took things in my own hands and scored MASSIVELY AWESOME NUMBERS in Robotron and Space Harrier, turned to the people behind me and said I'd buy them all drinks if one of them could beat my score on the first try. I didn't buy any drinks. Which is lucky, because the cocktails there (such as Luigi Loves It and Pac-Man's Last Life) are stupid expensive, but also stupid delicious.

There was also a Pong tournament which was pretty amusing as when the final round came about, the DJ turned the music off and just ran the sound from the game through the speakers, and projected the game onto the wall, as everyone quietly watched with the occasional explosion of cheering and gasps as the game was played.

I also ended up meeting a lady there (who I knew beforehand but haven't met yet) and I went out with her a few times since then, but sadly I don't think that's going to work out, but it's not really a problem for a bloke as handsome as I.

I also went to SYDNEY recently, to see some old friends and just have fun. When my company had to return to work, I was alone for a while and checked out the arcades HERE ARE PHOTOS.






That last shot is actually Darling Harbour.

So really, the Sydney arcades I saw weren't that interesting, has the usual selection of games but it was nice to see some Tekken 6 and SF4 machines. Fighting games seem to be dead in Adelaide. Of course, I was staying in Chinatown, so it should be little surprise that fighting games would be popular around there. You know what those crazy Asians are like!

It's okay, I've dated Asians so it's not being racist.

The most interesting game I saw was PANIC PARK, where two players gallop across a hazard filled environment. The gimmick is that both of the players controls are on the same uh... slot thing, so you can try and push the other player off cliffs and such by slamming into them (physically). Clearly Auntie Pixelante ripped this idea off for that game with the guillotines. You know the one.

Here are pictures taken inside a rainbow's anus.






Finally, I went to some thing where they teach you about making music with gameboys  and old toys (CIRCUIT BENDING), which was also a pretty good time. I'm pretty sure I can be a chiptune artist now. Here are some pictures, including ones of a bear I ripped apart to get to the... sound making thing. Thus ends my poorly written update.