Here is the previously mentioned JEDI KNIGHT article. Here's what Rero said about it:

"It made me reinstall the game."



Let me know what you think!

Just a heads up, I have a JEDI KNIGHT flashback in the current issue of PCPP (#172). Check it out y'all! Or wait for me to put it up here if you're too cheap.

Or should I say COOL new game, since it's set underwater. I almost forgot to post this, it's a new video I made. Hope you enjoy it.

The Saturday Night's Alright for Gaming article was originally just going to be about cons, and I came up with a heap of "jokes" that I could use in it. Then the focus of the article shifted to social gaming in general and could no longer use most of them. So here they are, complete in their scribbled down, uncontexted... incontexted... without context.

* Make a joke about the Furcon posters
* Section advertised as indie and "mature" games, sadly that didn't mean pornography.
* Got a bunch of press kits that were originally for a hyper writer who hadn't shown up yet. You snooze, you lose, buddy.
* I convinced someone not to write my name in their death note book by telling them I'd write their name on a bullet.
* Saw a girl dressed as a Silent Hill 2 nurse who ignored my requests for an examination. Probably for the best.
* Stalked by Tetris blocks, apparently I was just the right size for their hole. Wanted to make a long piece out of me.
* Was disappointed no one was dressed as my favourite pussy, hello kitty
* People with internet memes on their shirts, someone pointing at them and screaming IT'S OVER 9000!" and proceeding to chest bump each other
* Everyone was incredibly polite; maybe because there is a greater risk of being punched in the face when being a dick in person rather than over a headphone, but I'm hoping it was because everyone there was a decent chap or chapette.
* Try as hard as I might to be as cool as Spike from The Press Gang, I myself am a geek and it was sort of nice to see all of us come together like this, in peace and harmony, despite all the large styrofoam weapons.
* Everyone was extremely friendly, accepting my requests to join in games and even taking it in good sport after I crushed their skull
* However I was politely asked to leave the DOTA tourney after singing "We're sitting in Ventrilo, playing DotA" too loudly.
* The "Getting a Job in the Industry" panels didn't have anything about becoming a games journalist, but I guess that's because any old fool can land in that occupation.
* Narrowly escaped the clutches of Pedobear
* Unfortunately, some cad stole one of the controllers off their computers. if you're reading this, guy, you're a dick.

After reading them again, I guess it's for the best that I didn't use any.

GOG.com recently had the entire collection of Postal games going for cheap, so I decided to pick it up since I remembered having some idiotic, adolescent fun with the demo of the second game back in the day, and I felt like doing something idiotic and adolescent, something I often do accidentally.

Unfortunately for my wallet, it turned out I no longer enjoyed it.

I realised this after I cut off an innocent persons leg, set them on fire, then as I watched their charred body slowly crawl across the ground moaning in pain, I peed on them. I noticed that I was a little disturbed by this. Disgusted, even. Despite the fact it was me performing these actions!

Now Postal 2 is all about being offensive, primarily to distract players from the terrible, awful, horrendous gameplay, so I thought maybe this was a natural reaction. But I also played Hitman: Blood Money recently (brilliant little game, just so you know). I was on a mission where I had to take out some gang members and a twat of a captain on a boat, but I decided to try to kill every single person on board for a laugh.

When I got to the decks with the innocent folk who were only there to have a good time, I walked towards a lone woman with a pistol held behind my back. When I was close enough, I aimed it towards her head and killed her with a single, silenced shot. I continued to walk past her dead body, reloading calmly before moving onto the next floor. Maybe it’s just the cold, unemotional walk and movement of Agent 47, but I found myself a little chilled by this. On every other mission, I decided to just killed my targets like a good little silent assassin.

I thought maybe I’m just getting old. Maybe it was time for me to pack in this games journalism thing, because once you develop a digital moral conscious, you’re pretty much screwed. “Maybe you’re just turning into a big ol’ pussy”, a friend helpfully suggested. Maybe. I’m not the naïve, carefree lad I was when I first played Postal 2. I’ve seen a lot more things and I know how fucked up the world can be. And although I enjoy and appreciate art that confronts us with these things, I felt these games had nothing to say, the violence was just there. As I uninstalled Postal 2, I realised the problem was that it wasn’t escapism. It was a reminder.

I want to an Asian grocery today because I felt like some WACKY food, and found some tea where the English description was "the cream of natural herds". I did not purchase it.


As previously mentioned, I recently went to the ROYAL ADELAIDE SHOW, an annual event where everyone goes to waste their money. It's like a giant CARNIVAL but sadly without a freak show, unless you count the pitiful performances at the COCA-COLA stage. There were RIDES and SHOW BAGS and INTERESTINGLY UNHEALTHY FOOD and A CREEPY YET SEXY FLEXIBALE WOMAN and JUGGLING UNICYCLISTS oh boy. It was the first time I've been in years, I went with some old friends and their younger siblings. We were probably the bigger kids, though. I mean, mentally. It was fun.

Anyway, this is a gaming blog, so I'll post the below image. I think it's interesting to see how MAINSTREAM videogames are these days. Pretty much every carny game was offering Nintendo prizes. And no, they weren't a sponser.

Also, creepy guy looking right at me.


Also check out that TOTALLY FLY roller coaster. And that perfect Australian sky! Beautiful. Too bad it's killing all of us.

I'll try to make a "real" post soonish, perhaps. In the meantime, here's a classic Australian song!

hello this is going to be a very poorly written post

deal with it

oh i have something cool in the next issue of pcpp just fyi, i get to make fun of my home city a lot and hopefully all my pussy jokes got by without being noticed by my editor. he hate sit when i throw in sex jokes what a prude

hello

so games games games

i havent played that many games lately. most recently i bought HITMAN CONTRACTS and HITMAN BLOOD MONEY when i was out shopping with alyce, the greatest lesbian in the world (she is the best at being a lesbian). hitman contracts is pretty much a BEST OF plus some new tracks, nothing new here, barely a stroy stitching the missions together which is fine because it means its just a collection of fun missions and it doesnt do all that cloen crap towards the end like the first two games did.

blood money actually changes a few things, for one thing it has a snazzy new engine that can do AMAZING crowds, the mardi gras level being the perfect example where there are like 50 people on screen at once with no slow down (at least not on my pc), so you can totally re-enact that scene from blade runner where he's chasing the stripper through the crowd, rad. also i thought it was funny in this one level that took place in THE SOUTH all these people were dancing and then i shot some guy and then i turned aroudn and all the people who were dancing had pulled out guns and started shooting at me lol the south. the credit sequence is also very clever. you get to kill a priest and a guy in a wheelchair. and you have to kill someone who you see in the cutscenes but don't meet until right at the end and you don't want to have to kill him really since he's innocent but you have to. it was pretty interesting. also the last mission takes place IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

oh you can also make kills look like accidents which was cool at first, but then it felt too setup and i prefered looking for opportunities to shoot them without anyone noticing instead. plus i'd rather people know i was there, leave a mark,  you know. i've always said the hitman games are a lot like adventure games, and the accidents just make the levels feel even more like a puzzle. so it's nice you can just do things your own way if you want. also i massacred everyone on a boat and i felt kinda disturbed after it. i guess i dont like killing innocent people, especially when 47 always looks so damn CALM and COOL when he's walking about. also i liked dumping all the bodies overboard.

i also played JEDI KNIGT and MYSTERIES OF THE SITH. the first game is pretty interesting, it was made when FULL 3D ENGINES were the new thing and no oen really knew how to make the most of them, so it's pretty experimental with its level design. some feel like one giant corridor, while others are non-linear, some involve exploring an environment carefully, yadda yadda. the evacuation level is pretty rad, it felt like descent on foot! so the game was a bit of a mixed bag really, but some of the levels are very memorable. the demo level is still my favourite though, i think that level encapsulates all the best parts of the game pretty well so go play that.

mysteries of the sith is a much more focused game, with much more consistant and standard level design making it less interesting but probably more entertaining. also the small mechanic and engine changes make a surprising difference.  the last three missions really pull the rug from under the player, though. all your weapons except the light saber stop working, forcing (HAHAHA) you to rely on force powers. the atmosphere of these last few levels are EPIC, really creepy, and i wouldnt be surprised if they inspired return to the cathederal in THIEF. there aren't many enemies but the ones that are there are fucking tough, especially if you didn't invest in good offensive powers. i recommend saber throw, because then you SORT of have a gun. also the way you win the final fight is pretty interesting. PROTIP: DON'T FIGHT. oh and there are also lots of puzzles and stuff that involve your powers, so yeah, the last three levels are really something.

so that's all i've played in the last couple months. i've been reading and writing more and going out and working and all that shit. still looking for a new job or finding something to study. i had a look at tafe courses and there just isnt anything at all that interests me. SIGH. i'm seeing a specalist on monday i have been on the waiting list for over a year. they better give me some fucking good news or i am going to kill myself right there and take them with me because ive always awnted to get in the paper and that's a sure way.

since when was fire ever green anyway

going to the show tomorrow. will likely be the last time i ever see these people.

OH WELL, FUCK 'EM

Last night I attended ULTRACADE, an Adelaide event that occurs every three months and involves... well, let me just paste the poster.

This post features pictures of great Australian food.

( Click here 4 fud )

My mother set up a stall at a flea market last weekend, and she asked me if I had anything I wanted to get rid of. I had plenty, so I dropped it over there while they were going through my younger brother's toys, which they planned to sell. Turns out a whole heap of the toys used to belong to either me or my sister! Sadly, all my REAL awesome toys, such as my sweet Micro Machines sets, have been given to relatives (surely to face destruction in their careless hands). Still, I decided to take a few snapshots of the toys before saying goodbye to yet another part of my childhood. Hopefully they get you all nostalgic, too!

( klik hear 4 pix )

I've been DESPERATELY trying to remember the name of a documentary I saw on SBS a couple years ago. It was about a foreign game developer (I have no idea what country they were from) who were developing a 3D fantasy game (it looked pretty good from the footage they showed). It was all about them developing it, their hopes and dreams, the sacrifices they made, etc. In the end, they send it to publishers, including Infogrames (so it must be a pretty old Doco since they were assilimated into Atari around 2003 and only recently separated from them) who declined to publish the game. At the end of the doco, it shows them using their engine to make a FPS game (looked a bit like Quake 3) as it's easier to design and sell due to the popularity of that genre. Oh, and the company was quite small, like less than ten people. This sound familiar to anyone? I'd love to watch it again and also see if they managed to get their second game published.

Australia is pretty good with game docos. SBS has shown a few, even if most are about crap like Second Life and what have you, ABC has run a couple and even Channel 9 ran one called Just A Game back in 2004, which was about the Australian gaming community. I wouldn't mind seeing that again, too.


Speaking of the Australian gaming community, I went to ULTRACADE last night, which is basically a night of drinking + gaming. It was a decent night and I'll probably make a proper post about it later. Oh, and I went to AVCON, but I've avoided posting about it because I'm still hoping to throw something together about it for PCPP.

And speaking of naming things, I came up with the perfect name for my book that I'll never finish! I don't want to reveal it yet, though.